The Blues....

So....today wasn't such a good day at all...but yeah..let me start with the past weekend.

Friday into Saturday I cried so much. I know..I know..I'm such a punk! But I couldn't help it. I missed my baby so much. I needed his touch, his hold, his kiss, his comfort. I needed to talk to him and to see him. I needed to share the weeks past joys with him. But I couldn't. I was very heart broken over that fact, and I hibernated in my room once again.

I have been going to the gym a lot lately. I have lost 8 pounds so far. During the week, Sherley would call me and want to go to the gym, so I would reluctantly say fine...and go with her in the evenings. They have been good workouts even though I didn't want to do them in the beginning. Its amazing how much better I feel after working out. I get to think about all the good things and how much Tamu loves me. I get to study notes from my best class...African American Studies and as a result learn more than I can even imagine. I get to listen to soft music that clears my mind, and last but not least I get to talk to Sherley who always makes me laugh and makes the time go by so much faster. Working out every morning and every other afternoon for another week has been good :).

I have had a million things to do as of late. I have needed to do programs, homework, work, workouts, schedule family time, do reading just for me, and make time for residents within my residential hall..some of which have depression issues. Oh and make dental time for myself. Its been a lot at times, and I have been slightly stressed out.

This past Saturday, I finally made it to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. Now anyone who knows me, knows I have this GINORMOUS fear of the dentist. Every-time I go I swear they treat my gums like its a sidewalk...and just scratch carelessly at them and subject them to excessive bleeding. So yeah..I'm just not a fan. Anywho..I managed to muster up enough courage to finally go. My heart had hurt so much over Tamu not being here, that I figured I could take whatever pain they could inflict. I thought, whatever pain they could inflict on me would be much less then the pain of not being with my baby. If I could survive him not being here...I could do ANYThing! I figured that I should schedule the appointment while I was in this mood. And I also rationalized that I want to have teeth when I get older lol. Anywho, I got my teeth cleaned and I was blessed to have a wonderful dentist. He was very gentle and helpful and cleaned my teeth well. As my baby would say.."he gave it the love it deserved." So that was the good side of things....The bad side starts with the news that I had 3 cavities. I had One large one and 2 very small ones. So I rationalized the same way I did for the cleaning. Thats right...I marched back there on Monday at noon and got the big one filled. On this Saturday I get the two other small ones done. It was cool and fast. And I got a white filling so that you can't even see it. It looks like they did nothing to my teeth...although..it definitely feels like they did. :(. Anyway..after this.. I will have gotten all this out of the way. Oh and another plus is that I have been flossing a lot. :)

So yeah Thats how the week started with my mouth in pain. I kept taking every pain killer I could find. From tylenol, to Aspirin, to more Aspirin, to Motrin. Motrin of which is the only thing that really truly worked. Up until today, my mouth has produced so much pain that I have been unable to sleep. I have had to sit up and try to stay awake as long as I possibly could. Monday night..I had to get up and walk around just so my mind could be taken off the pain. Today I took a mid day nap and it was the same senerio. It was too painful to sleep. So I popped in two more pills and I finally was able to sleep in peace. Meanwhile..while this whole mouth pain was going on, I developed strong paralyzing pain around my kidneys. It got so painful that I had to stop walking and I had a hard time breathing. The pain was so survere I had to leave class and go to the health center for an emergency. The doctors looked at me and signed me up for an ultrasound at the hospital on Friday so that they can make sure I don't have a kidney stone or whatever. And then I got some chest pains. Sigh..Ugh.just another thing on my plate I have to worry about. There were two doctors counseling with me. One said that it just could be me working out muscles that I haven't for a while, while the other said that I need to checked immediately. So..yep..thats where I'll be 10:00 on Friday. This sucks!! Truly!! Ugh. But oh well. God willingly its nothing. I was feeling so down and in pain all over...So I called my baby to feel encouraged. But yeah..it only brought me more tears. At that point I was completely and utterly stressed, and I had no words of encouragement. :(.

So yeah..that was me today. After drugging up, I took a long nap, and then got up in time for my Staff meeting at 9:30pm. After the staff meeting, I met sherley at the gym and we worked out for only an hour and 1/2. It was nice and relaxing though. I was just in a straight-up mood. Like if anyone said anything to me that was bull...they would surely know about it. tehehe. Yup that was my day. It's about 12:50 in the morning and I should be doing homework to get ahead..but Im tired..so I am going to shower and get into bed.

So since I had all these negatives...the positives are: I got into Spain for Summer 2 semester, I did really really good on my African American Studies quiz today, I survived the days disappointments and Im doing alright, and Jesus has never stopped loving me.